My family has always been my pillar of support whenever I feel troubled. “Be brave. I know you’ll find a way” has always been my mother’s words of encouragement. Their confidence in me brought me comfort. Under the guidance of my parents, I have learnt to be independent and to believe in myself. As long as I persevere, there would always be a solution to any problems encountered. Giving up would mean immediate concede.
Biology has always been my subject of interest since young. With that, I followed my interest to persue a Bachelor degree in Life Science with specialization in Biomedical Science. My experience in lab environment has enhanced my analytic and research skills. There are times in which I was not able to get the desired results during experiments. This is due to my carelessness when I rushed to complete the experimental procedures. From this, I have learnt the importance of patience and how to deal better with frustrations and disappointments when things do not go as one expects them to.
Appointed vice-president of Red Cross Humanitarian Network in Meridian Junior College, I was given the opportunity to hone my leadership skills. Having to take up heavier responsibilities means more commitment and involvement in my co-curriculum activity. Hence, I have learnt to prioritize my work which is important for good time management. Being a member of Raffles Hall Dinner and Dance Committee in National University of Singapore, I was exposed to working in teams for many projects. When working on these projects, being a team player with good interpersonal skills makes it easier to achieve results. I also leant the importance of communication skills in avoiding misunderstandings.
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Hi Hazel!
ReplyDeleteFrom your personal statement, I can see that you are someone who values your relationship with your family. To me, family is my main source of strength and motivation in life and I guess you feel the same way too.
In the last paragraph, you have placed great emphasis on your involvement in co-curriculum activities. This also shows that you are able to balance your studies and work well. I believe the valuable experiences that you have gained will prepare you very well for work in the future. =)
On a side note, there is a spelling error in the last sentence of your entry. Overall I have learnt much from reading your post. Thank you!
Peiling
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ReplyDeleteDear Hazel,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this heart-felt post. Overall, it paints a very positive picture of you. I like the detail in your descriptions and the way you have focused on very key areas.
At the same time, the organization of your ideas could be strengthened if you had a transition sentence at the start of the second and third paragraphs that connected the ideas in those to your initial discussion of your not conceding to failure. In short, you need to do a better job of connecting a new idea to a previous one.
Also, there are a few language errors (though this is much better than some of your earlier posts):
1) Giving up would mean immediate concede. > Giving up would mean immediate ____________.
2) I have learnt the importance of patience and how to deal better with frustrations and disappointments when things do not go as one expects them to. > I have learnt the importance of patience and how to deal better with frustrations and disappointments when things do not go as I expect them to.
3) to prioritize my work which is important > to prioritize my work, which is important
In any case, this is a very good effort and an interesting discussion of what makes you special.
Hi Hazel,
ReplyDeleteI think your post is generally good. I am very clear about the idea you want to bring across in each paragraph. For example, in your first paragraph, you want to highlight your beliefs, in your second paragraph, the area of study you are interested in and your learning experience and finally, in your third paragraph, you highlighted the skills you have picked up from your involvement in various activities.
However, I find that you did not give some kind of conclusion for your personal statement. I was expecting your ideas to converge but your personal statement just ended on the third paragraph. Maybe you want to draw some relevance of your beliefs, experience and area of interest to your future work or studies? Actually, I am not sure whether we need to draw any relevance of our past experience and belief to the future but I find that it will be good to give a conclusion.
In all, I like the message you are trying to convey in your first paragraph: Be brave! Thank you for sharing!
Hi Hazel,
ReplyDeleteI like your first paragraph as it focused on how your family members have influenced you and shaped you into who you are. It is well-written. My mother was nagging at me while I was reading your post. Usually, I will turn a deaf ear to all that nagging. But your first paragraph actually made pause and listen to her. I like that personal touch. It's heartwarming! :)
However, I agree with XiuLing that you ended your personal statement quite abruptly. I did not know it was the end of it. Maybe you can give a short conclusion about the qualities you have mentioned. This will further emphasize those qualities and leave a more lasting impression to your readers.
Thank you for this concise entry! :)
Regards,
Kesleen
Hi Hazel,
ReplyDeleteI feel that you have explained the examples and points that you want to carry across efficiently. :D
Maybe you can talk about your interests outside school?
Regards,
Jiamin
Thank you Peiling for pointing out my spelling error.. So careless of me.. =)..
ReplyDeleteHi Brad,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments and I do need to improve on my language! =).
Cheers,
Hazel
Hi Xiuling, Kesleen and Jiamin,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments so to help me edit my personal statement! Yes I do need to have a better conclusion =).
Cheers,
Hazel