Once upon a time, there lived couple A and B. One day, A decided to hold a birthday party and B agreed to help out. However, conflict between them arose since both A and B had many different views.
Food menu
A loved thai food and since it was A's birthday, A decided to cater Thai food for the party. Moreover, Thai food fit the budget as compared to Western food. However, B thought Western food to be more appetising for the masses and felt that it was acceptable to have the cost of the meal to be over the budget since this issue could be easily resolved by cutting down money used for decorations.
Result: Thai food was chosen. A felt that B did not understand the concept of budget and was hurt by the fact that he did not support her on Thai food even though he knew that was her favourite food. B felt offended that his choice of Western food was not accepted even though it had been agreed beforehand that he would be in charge of food for the party.
Decorations
A felt that it was important to spend some effort to decorate the house with balloons and streamers etc so that it would not only create an atmosphere suitable for a happy occasion, but act as a good way to allow guests to feel welcomed too. B regard all these to be unnecessary since the decorations would all be thrown away after the party. B felt that people would spend more time eating than to admire the decorations.
Result: A felt that it was troublesome to spend time to convince B the need for decorations. Instead, she gathered her friends to help out with the decorations. B felt uninvolved.
Rearranging of Furniture
A wanted the food to be placed in the balcony to save space in the apartment for the guests. A also thought that putting catered food in the living room would obstruct the walkway by narrowing it. However, B felt that the catered food should be placed in the house since there might be a possiblity of a rainy day. It would be a hassle to remove the funiture during the party if it rains.
Result: Food was placed in the balcony. A felt that the needs of the guests were important while B felt that it was more important to be practical when planning things. Hence, B felt A to be unreasonable and always insisting that she gets her way in everything.
Overall feelings:
A felt that B had not been co-operative at all. Instead of helping out, he had been rather unsupportive in orgainising the party since he had so many disagreements with how the party planning should be. B felt that his opinions were not respected and that he had helped out in every way he could but was not appreciated.
Who is right? A or B? How would they have acted to prevent the unhappiness during party planning? What are the important things they should note about when working hand in hand? =).
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hi Hazel,
ReplyDeleteI feel that neither A and B are right. On one hand, this is lady A's birthday and she has all the right to plan it the way she likes. On the other hand, B also has the right to voice all his concerns to ensure every possible options could be looked upon.
The biggest problem in this conflict could be the lack of empathy. Perhaps, B wants to prove to A his capability to organize an event well in a practical and sensible manner. However, he lacks the empathy to LISTEN what A really want. On the other hand, A cares about her own party so much that she can't calm down to hear what B has to suggest.
Sometimes, its about compromise and showing that one care for the other half. Most importantly, trust your partner.
Patrick
Hello Hazel =)
ReplyDeleteI truly feel that this is typical scenario of a couple. Usually, the respective partner would do what they feel is the best for the partner. However, they failed to understand what each other really wants.
Instead of arguing, they should be discussing their steps in the party together. They should ask for each other’s opinions on the various issues and therefore come to a compromised conclusion together. In other words, communicating effectively with patient in response to each other’s opinions is advisable. Though, this needs much determination to be done well in such a busy context.
Also, showing appreciation of each other’s efforts in trying to make the party a successful one is good. Realizing the same positive goal of them would create a togetherness feeling which would lighten the mood. A less tense mood would have less misunderstandings and more understanding.
Hope my suggestion helps! =)
Hello Hazel,
ReplyDeleteLike what Patrick has mentioned, neither of them is in the right. Both of them have their own reasons for doing things the way they did and I’m sure that they both felt that their way was better. It brings to mind the saying “men are from Mars and women are from Venus”. I feel that both of them must have mutual respect for each other and be able to compromise. By making use of the “velvet hammer”, when they resolve their conflict respectfully and positively, it would actually strengthen their relationship and bring them closer together. When difficulties arise, they should gracefully overcome them together as a couple, rather than view each other as an opponent to be defeated.
Cheers
Russell
Hi Patrick, Rebecca and Russell,
ReplyDeleteThank you for all your comments.
Patrick: Yes, that was exactly what I had in mind. I guess it's all about active listening and working together. Women wants to be listened while men wants to be able to show their capability to solve problems. =). And that brings to what Russell had mentioned - men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
Rebecca: Yes your suggestions help! By communicating effectively and showing appreciation, it would prevent the conflict from taking place. It is important that we always take note of how our partnars are feeling to avoid hurting him or her.
Have fun blogging! =).